The Empty Nest and the Positive Test

Last week I wrote about the significance of my last day of paid employment and some of how that made me feel, and since then I have been looking at what I COULD do next. A lot of pilots hold the opinion that all they can do is fly planes – of course a lot don’t think this and already know they have other skills and talents – but so many do, and it’s just not true. The very fact of having a job in a flight deck means there are so many skills that transfer in to industry and there are lots and lots of places online where you can read about this.

In my case, I was late into a career having chosen marriage over the RAF, and children over developing a career in my twenties, and so I was 37 before I scored my first (and quite possibly only) airline job. Before that point I had already done lots of other things including developing things I already loved and so in some ways now, I need to narrow down the possibilities to see which direction I really want to pursue.

The other significant thing about last week though was the fact that for the first time in a very long time, none of our children have been at home, and this time it’s more significant than it has been in the past because this time, instead of dropping them off at boarding school, we had dropped our youngest child off at University to start the next stage of her life. She is finally spreading her own wings, just as she should be, and just as we knew she would, but the knowledge that she has gone to do what her brother and sister before her have done, and the empty space that has left in our home is something that is both fantastic and sad at the same time. As parents, our mission in life is to get our children to the point at which they are able to live independently (and obviously to love them unreservedly), but when the point at which they go off to learn how to do that comes, it leaves a gap. It is another blow in a sense to knowing your identity, and for me, comes at the same time as losing the identity of my role as a captain.

There have been times when I have really felt this recently, but more times when I have been happy to know that we have given our children wings to fly, roots to ground them, and lights to guide them home which will always shine brightly and always be on.

Within a week of starting University, our daughter has tested positive for Coronavirus along with her entire flat, most of her halls, and seemingly the majority of the first year. This was probably inevitable and we are blessed and relieved that her symptoms are mild, she is young and strong, and will no doubt recover – but like every parent of university aged children at the moment, I can’t help wondering what long term impact this will have on her education and ultimately her life.

The debate about herd immunity vs full lockdown is not for this blog and we all have our own opinions based on our own lives and needs, but I do feel quite strongly that the young should not be blamed for the spread of Coronavirus any more than any other group of people. It’s here, it’s a fact, it will spread and one day it will either disappear or we will have learned to live with it just like our grandparents (if you are around my age) learned to live with the hardships they went through.

I read something this week that talked about what life was like for someone who was born in 1900 which I would like to share (I have a degree in history – I love this stuff. Bare with me!)

At the age of 14, the First World War begins and finishes when you are 18 leaving 22 million people dead – you will have known and loved people who died.

By the time you are 20, Spanish Flu has killed another 50 million people worldwide – and you have survived.

At 29, you have survived a global economic crisis which causes inflation, unemployment and famine, and when you are 33, the Nazis come to power in Germany

Aged 39, World War Two breaks out and you are involved somehow, whether you are fighting or keeping the home fires burning. It ends when you are 45 leaving another 60 million people dead.

Having lived through all that countless other wars break out during your lifetime including the Korean War when you are 52 and the Vietnam War when you are 64

The post I have borrowed this from goes on to talk about all the things we HAVE during this pandemic that make things so different for us as we face these times head on. Our grandparents couldn’t take to Twitter to rant about whether or not they should have to wear a gas mask, and they couldn’t post on Facebook about the injustice of having to spend a night in an air raid shelter or tube station, they couldn’t find each other on snapmaps when they emerged into the smoking ruins of their cities after an air raid, and they didn’t rage about not being able to fly to Ibiza for a week of clubbing, they did something that I have seen time and time again over the last 6 months, and reached out to their neighbours and asked if they needed help, offered to fetch things for each other, called hello over the garden fence, and just looked out for each other in the same way so many of us are doing now.

A small change in our perspective can generate miracles, we should be thankful that we are alive, and we should do everything that we need to, in order to protect each other. I don’t know who wrote this original post but it has been shared by a friend of mine and I hope you have taken as much from it as I did.

We will survive this storm – and it is just a storm – we don’t know how long it will last but we will survive if we all stick together and look out for each other. We are in different boats admittedly, but the storm is the same one for each of us

I hope you have a good week